Places We Forgot to Forget
by MojoFix
Summary: A struggle between two people who don't know how to keep their balance on a tightrope. Wade/OC. Ties in with Larmes du Soleil but can stand alone - collection of vignettes.
1. Black Veins

Illyria woke up alone in bed with a start. Wade's clothes were still with hers all over the floor. Her cell phone, keys and .45 were on the bedside table with her glass of water. She listened for a heartbeat, before picking up the sound of the downstairs shower. He'd gone all that way so he wouldn't wake her?

She padded all the way downstairs, out of habit avoiding all the creaky floorboards and checking the house's perimeter through the windows She wanted to curse her paranoia, her alert frame of mind, for daring to come to her private place. She was still swearing at herself when she pushed open the bathroom door.

There he was, her Wade, standing in the spray, leaning against the marble with his back to her. She scented the room out of habit. What was that smell? Was that… tears?

"Wade?" She came further into the room. "Are you all right?" He spun around quickly, and wiped a hand down his face.

"Yeah, baby, I'm fine. Coming in? You know I like it when we shower."

"Shut up an tell me what's going on."

"I thought you said shut up."

"Wade… if you don't wanna talk about it, you know I won't make you." He nodded, but still opened the glass shower door for her.

She climbed in and when he sat on the marble bench, she put herself between his legs, resting her head on his chest and facing away. He would probably do better if he didn't have to look at her. Patiently, she waited for him to talk, listening to the beat of his heart and the rise and fall of his chest. She didn't push; she knew if she did he would bolt – its what she'd always done.

"The things they did… to cure the cancer? I don't think I've ever… it hurt a lot, blue. It hurt." He ran his fingertips up her arm and the spray was still warm, but she'd lowered it, so it was little more than a comforting trickle. "Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat. I think I'm back there and I've go to bite my cheek so I know I'm not… I can still see it, up here," he tapped his temple. "I can hear it, I can smell it, I can _taste_ it. I need to remind myself, constantly that I'm still here…"

"You should have woken me." She said, her words gentle, she didn't want to startle him.

"_Woken you_? I shouldn't even be here right now!" That made the hairs on the back of her neck prickle.

"Why not?" Her voice was still level, but keeping it in check took more effort.

"Never mind… I just."

"Wade? Why should you not be here, with me?" The muscles in his torso tensed and she heard his heartbeat skyrocket. His breathing quickened just a touch, but she could hear it.

"They did things to me, Illyria, things that made me…"

"Made you what?" He rolled his head back until it hit the marble and shut his eyes. He brought hid head forward and let it hit the marble, once, twice, three times, not enough to do any damage.

"I'm not much of a man anymore, am I, Lily?" His eyes were sad when he opened them again and she felt the strangest pain in her chest, like a burning feeling that spread form her left breast through the rest of her body until it made her fingertips and toes burn.

That was the moment where she was 110% sure she was in love with Wade Wilson. The agony, the disappointment, the shame, _shame_, in his eyes hit her like a planet. She fell into a hamster wheel full of thoughts regarding the evisceration of all things Weapon X. She would take their heads and their hearts and display them to the world just because they had put that look in her lover's eyes. She heart herself growl, but she didn't give a fuck! And yeah, she was acting for all the world like a claimed and mated male, but she didn't care, Goddamit!

His eyes flared open and he held up both his hands I surrender.

"Okay," he said, "I'll go. It's fine." Hang on, wait, what? Her brain ground to a halt and her heart dropped to her knees.

"What? Go where? Are you crazy?" He blinked at her. "What's going on, Wade, where is this coming from?" She saw the whole process from start to finish. His eye caught hers and went glassy. Then he blinked that away, putting all his strength into building a wall tall enough, thick enough and strong enough to keep her out. "No, no, no, Wade, stop right there…" But she couldn't do more than whisper. She knew exactly where this was going. She watched his face go hard and cold, then he removed her hand from his body and stood, leaving her alone in a shower full of warm water that somehow seemed too fucking cold to live with.

By the time she'd pulled herself together, he'd already packed pretty much everything. He was taking one last look around the bedroom, and by the look on his face she knew a guilt trip was the only way to make him stay long enough for her to tell him she didn't give a fuck what they'd done to him.

"Wade, the least you owe me is an explanation!" She caught him a split second before he teleported – which was apparently a new trick of his. His big shoulders rolled with each breath, and his shaved skull looked like a scar all on its own in the morning light.

"I need to leave now, Lily. This needs to stop."

"Why? Why does it?"

"Because I'm – because… because I'm not even a _fucking _man anymore." He spun around to face her, the diamond-shaped scars over his eyes, and the fading lines around his lips making him look like he'd been torn at by an animal. "Look at me, Illyria! Look at me!" He shook her shoulders hard, making her wet hair stick to her face.

"You're still a man, Wade." She promised.

"I'm a fucking experiment! I'm just a slab of meat with a number that happened to have the right DNA and be dying of the right fucking disease! I'm not a man; I'm not a person! I screamed so loud I couldn't recognise the sound of my own voice!" He shot blades out of his arms, making her jump, and twisted them so she got a full on view. When he retracted them, he tore off his shirt and let her stare at the lines tattooed on his body. "How can you look at me? How can you stand to be near me? How can you touch me? How can you _make love to me_? _LOOK AT ME, ILLYRIA!_" She wanted to look away, if only because she wanted to spare him the humiliation of staring, but that would be the last nail in the coffin, so she took in all the inky black lines all over him and started to come closer.

"I am looking at you."

"Don't, Lily… don't come closer. Lily, I could hurt you…" She ignored him.

"I don't know what they did to you. You don't tell and I don't ask. But I know what it feels like to be destroyed. To be ashamed of who you are because of the actions of others." When she reached him, she traced his new black veins with her fingertips. "I know what it feels like to think you're less that who you could be. To feel dirty, used, broken. I've been there." She met his eyes, then traced the scars on his face with one hand. "You're a bad man, Wade. You're a killer and a murderer and we both know that. But you're mine; part of you will always be mine. I stole it from you, now I've got it tucked up in my heart, in a place I forgot to forget." She brought his hand up to the spot on her chest where he would feel her heart beating.

"Will you break the rules for me, Lily?" His voice was a whisper. He was ashamed and afraid and frustrated. She kissed him quickly, gently.

"I love you, Wade Wilson. The man you were a year ago, and the man you are today. I love you." She had never said the words to him before – it was against their rules. She avoided it as much as she could, because it would change things, but he wasn't a price she was willing to pay for her own security. He needed to hear it, and so she would break the rules.

His eyes were closed and the cords in his next were pulled taught.

"When you told me you were dying, I thought that was the end. It thought that would be it for you – you would slip away and I would be all by myself again."

"You have Felix."

"And for Felix I am forever grateful." She acquiesced. "I'm sorry, for what you went through. More sorry than you could imagine, and I will be here to help you through it, but so help me God, if you make me feel the way I did in that bathroom ever again, I will cut your heart out for making me cry." His lips twitched and her pulse raced - maybe she was doing something right!

"I'd grow it back."

"Then all's well and good." She joked. "Does this mean I can shoot you when you piss me off, and you'll just… get better?" He nodded.

"Lily, you need to understand something." He took her hands in his. "Stryker, he ah... he did something to my brain."

"Your brain?" This was the first she was hearing about this.

"Yeah. Somehow he wired me up to a computer thing. If he types in, on that computer, for me to do something, I have no choice."

"Like mind control, only electric?" He nodded, the fear of her rejection as clear as day in his eyes.

"Where is this computer?" she snapped straight into business mode. If Wade, the invincible, unstoppable mercenary – the mutant killer – was under the complete control of Stryker, it could be a huge problem.

"There was one on the island, there might have been one in Canada, I don't know." He shut his eyes, fighting off one of the migraines that had become common occurrence to him. "I don't _know_!"

"It's okay, it's okay…" She shushed him gently. "We'll find it, we'll burn it to ashes. We'll make everything all right…"

"Lily, I'm sorry…" She put a finger to his lips.

"You're not any less a man, just because you were experimented on, or changed, or manipulated." She made him meet her eyes. "You're twice the man you were because you survived." Then she placed a gentle kiss on his throat; right above one of those black veins, and enjoyed the feeling of tension leaving his body.


	2. Piercings

Illyria rolled off Wade and sat up. He was sleeping soundly and as she watched his chest rise and fall, she felt a peace she never thought she'd know. The tattoos from his Weapon X days were still fading, and his hair was still incredibly short, but he was healing. The scars around his mouth were fainter, and the anguish in his eyes was slowly seeping away.

Dawn was coming, over the mountains in the East and she wished that for a moment, she could stop time. She'd found her own world, her own night, her own place. Somewhere where she didn't have to worry about whether it was wrong, or right, or what job she was supposed to be on. This was her night. In twelve hours reality would creep back into her like and attempt to steal what little air she had left to breathe, but before that happened, she would enjoy her time here.

When the sun finally appeared through the cracks in the curtains she closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of Wade and sex and peace. A week from now she would look back and wish she was with him, but for now – this was her time, and no one would take it from her, not if they wanted to keep all their limbs.

"Wake up…" She nudged his shoulder and he grumbled, grabbing onto her hand, groggy with sleep as he was, and pulling her closer.

"Is this an invitation?" his sleep filled voice was rough and she loved it. "Cause I like invitations. If it's not, I'm sure I can persuade you… we could go out for breakfast, take a walk on the beach…" He opened one brown eye and peeked up at her, mischief written all over his face.

"It's an invitation."

"Good…" He rolled onto his side and ran one, long-fingered hand down the curve of her torso. His hands had always amazed her. For someone who could bring bloody, violent death with a flick of his wrist, Wade had beautiful hands. His fingers were long, thin and elegant, like a pianist's. His palms were evenly sized, and while they could be calloused, his healing factor ensured that they spent most of their time being soft as sin. "You know, I love all your piercings." He kissed the one through her navel, then the two microdermals on her left hip, then her right. Her head rolled back in pleasure, but she couldn't resist watching him long enough to stay that way.

"They feel nice in my mouth, like hard candy." His lips travelled up her body, to her left nipple where he suckled on the silver ring there. He reached over the side of the bed to her glass of water and pulled out one of the few remaining ice cubes. Slowly, with complete concentration, he ran it along her nipple, icing up the metal with a purpose. "Now, if I do this, your skin will be warm, the metal will be cold, and I'll be as happy as Bugs with a sea full of carrots." True to his word, he dipped his head and sucked the blushing nub into his mouth.

She half expected him to roll on his back like a kitten, except that now he just wanted more. His journey continued, up to the double piercings on her clavicle, which he paid great attention to. Wade had always loved her collarbone and when she'd gotten the piercings two years ago, they had just given him something more to toy with. They weren't his ultimate goal though, no, so he continued up. He kissed the ring in her eyebrow, the stud in her nose and then made love to the snake bites on her lower lip.

"Love these, really do. Love them." He mumbled. "But my favourite?" He deepened their kiss and his tongue met with the barbell on hers, touching, caressing, coaxing… He slid on top of her, already hard, already wanting.

"Do you want me, Lily?" He asked, his voice quiet but demanding. She loved his voice, more than anything. Having spent so long in captivity made her value the accent, the tone, the different sounds he could make.

"I always want you." It was cliché, but his touch had reduced her to putty in his hands and she couldn't summon up enough brainpower so fire something witty at him.

His fingers danced along her sex, playing her like a violin. Her body arched beneath his and hummed with energy. She looked up at him - into his eyes, rich, chocolate brown, at his lips, slim but sensual, at the line of his jaw, strong and masculine, and at he curve of his eyebrow, playful but stern – all at the same time. She took in his face – tried to memorise every line, every flaw and every beauty.

"Will you let me make love to you?" He asked. He lowered his lips to her ear and whispered. "Just here, just now, will you let me love you? Will you let me pretend like this is my life, like this is who I am? Will you let me touch you as if you were mine?" Unexpected tears welled in her eyes and for the first time in a long time, she felt herself shed them. "Will you let me forget, just for a while, all the horrible things I've seen? Can I loose myself in you, just for today?"

"Part of me is yours," she promised, quietly. "Part of me is always in these far of places with you – just the two of us." When he lifted his head she caught his gaze, and as she positioned him at her entrance, she spoke again. "Will you let me be safe here, just for now? Will you let me fall into you? Can I be weak here, with you?" He kissed her, slowly, gently, lovingly before sliding home.

"I've got you." He swore.


	3. Mementos

A/N: Bear in mind that Places We Forgot to Forget is Not in chronological order. Think of it as all the flashbacks Rogue might have from absorbing Illyria (canon with Larmes du Soleil).

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Deadpool/Wade Wilson/WeaponXI (shame, that)**

#01 – Comfort

He's never been the type to seek comfort, and she's not the type to give it, but the rain is coming down now and he has nowhere else to go.

#02 – Kiss

Their first kiss is full of fire and frustration – they set each other alight, because he's the most self centered, arrogant, son-of-a-bitch she's ever met and he think she's sexy when she's mad.

#03 – Soft

Her blue hair doesn't look shiny, like those shampoo commercials, but he finds that he actually really loves to touch it, because it feels like home and he wishes he could run his fingers through it _everyday_!

#04 – Pain

She's bleeding all over the bathroom floor, and even though he's not the one who got shot, he hurts like a motherfucker – her blood's just so red that it makes his eyes fly wide.

#05 – Potatoes

They were golden and perfect and he wanted it to be one of the best nights of her life.

#06 – Rain

When she twists and turns her hair flies everywhere, like blue fire; the heavens are coming down, each raindrop like an avenging angel, but still she fights – there's no other way, she just has to get to him.

#07 – Chocolate

He watches her dry the skin on her back and wonders what it's like to taste candy off her – he decides to try, and almost looses a limb in the process.

#08 – Happiness

She's not sure if he's "happy" with her, because with Wade it's just hard to tell, but he keeps coming back, so does she, so maybe it's okay for now.

#09 – Telephone

They don't ever talk on the phone, or at least, they didn't used to – it was a rule until that one time she needed to vent.

#10 –Ears

Her hearing is sharper than his, so she picks up the whispers of devotion he gives her when he thinks she's sleeping.

#11 – Name

There's no label on them – couple, lovers, friends, fuck-buddies – none of it works because if they give it a name, it might become real.

#12 – Sensual

He thought sensual was a stupid word until he saw her move – she fights and she walks and she talks and she swims and she dances like the Queen of the World – she appeals to him in every way.

#13 – Death

She is violence, she is death – it's in every line of her body, every move she makes and ever word she speaks – he finds he's a little afraid of that but like a moth to the flame, he never learned his lesson.

#14 – Sex

He needs to touch her to be sure he made it back, she's home base, and without her he'd be a ship with no port and no anchor – her touch brings him back to life.

#15 – Touch

Her wounds are so deep he can't heal them, he refuses to try (fear of failure) but he does trace the scars, the tattoos; he's not afraid to touch her past and he knows how much that means.

#16 – Weakness

His knees buckle and as the lights begin to dim and he slips to the floor he thinks of her; he wonders where she is and what she's doing and who she's with.

#17 – Tears

She doesn't cry them, and he doesn't either.

#18 – Speed

They lay in bed and named all the kids they could never have, they planned the life they'd never live quickly and quietly because it was an hour before sunrise.

#19 – Wind

He likes it when she flies to meet him, it makes him feel cleansed (not that he needs it), as if he's been touched by an angel, a fallen one, but an angel nonetheless.

#20 – Freedom

Much like a wild animal, she comes and goes as she pleases; she may eat the meal he set out for her, but she's just as good with fending for herself; if he ever tried to cage her, he knows she'd tear him to shreds.

#21 – Life

They don't have one, not together – that's what they try to tell Felix, anyway.

#22 – Jealousy

Most men would be jealous of her partner, but he thanks God for Felix every time he watches her walk away – Felix will keep her as safe as she'll let him.

#23 – Hands

Her hands run over his new black veins and he wants to hate her for loving him, for not seeing what he sees, but maybe he actually wants to fall to his knees and thank her for coming for him, in this: his darkest hour.

#24 – Devotion

Love, loyalty and enthusiasm: all accounted for.

#25 – Forever

Forever won't happen for them – she'll die on the job, and he's immortal – but now will do.

#26 – Blood

It runs down her face in tiny rives – blood – falling into her hair and he wants to reach through the plasma screen and touch her, but this was yesterday and she's gone now; he doesn't know where to look.

#28 – Sickness

When he tells her he has cancer she laughs; it takes her a moment to realize he's not smiling and that her world just started to fall apart.

#29 – Melody

She's cold and she's lonely, a thousand miles from home – nobody's coming for her, nobody knows she's there – she just wants to hear his voice, now, please.

#30 – Star

They're on the beach, long after sunset, with her head on his chest and his fingers in her hair, "there's a bright one," he says.

#31 – Home

They refuse to make a home - that would be a little too comfortable for comfort.

#32 – Confusion

They fight because she's itching to spill blood and he needs to get the hell out of town.

#33 – Fear

He wants to tell her that he loves her, but she fears cages, and he worries that he might sound too much like home for her to be free, so he keeps his silence.

#34 – Thunder & Lighting

The storm rolls in over Tuscany, and when the lighting flashes he catches a glimpse of the Thunder that's coming – she brings tornadoes to his door just for shits and giggles.

#35 – Bonds

He watches her drive away and feels at tug in part of his chest he didn't realize worked anymore.

#36 – Market

She throws his cucumbers right back at him when he comes in, because apparently they're cucumbers, not zucchinis.

#37 – Technology

He manages to persuade her that a digital camera is a GOOD thing.

#38 – Gift

She comes into her apartment with Felix, late on her birthday, to find a beautiful, custom grip, left handed .45 – she's carried it around ever since, the thing never jams – and she doesn't ask who sent it, it's not necessary.

#39 – Smile

He caught sight of her fangs the first time he saw her smile, and they scared the living shit out of him, but he unsheathed his swords to fight her anyway.

#40 – Innocence

Neither of them has any innocence left, or any naïveté, but maybe they could find a new thing to make them feel like their life wasn't _too_ fucking terrible.

#41 – Completion

His eyes are clamped shut, his lips parted; the tendons in his neck stand out and as he whispers her name, every muscle tensed before he shudders and lays his head on her shoulder.

#42 – Clouds

She runs her fingers through his hair while he sleeps; the bags under his eyes upset her, and she searches the sky for a way to help him.

#43 – Sky

Sky blue and robin's egg, lapis and midnight, cerulean and brandeis – he had no idea there were that many shades of blue!

#44 – Heaven

The place they're staying in this time has a fireplace and she's stretched out naked on the bearskin rug with the shadows dancing across her skin.

#45 – Hell

She tears through the rubble of Three Mile Island like a crazy person, looking for a trace, a scent, a scrap of clothing.

#46 – Sun

She finds out the fun way that his skin tans, instead of burning.

#47 – Moon

He comes up onto the roof and puts his arms around her, without asking if she's okay – she wouldn't like that – she smells like cigarettes and cyclamens.

#48 – Waves

She flies with him over the sea and tries to ignore the freaked out, girly screeches he's letting out.

#49 - Hair

He asks about every little trinket braided into her waves, and the only answer he ever gets is: I thought I might need it some day.

#50 – Supernova

He looks at her and asks: why haven't I been consumed?


	4. Escape

**Chapter Three: Escape**

She saw his punch coming, but stood her ground. His fist hit her like a wrecking ball and she felt her head crack against the concrete wall before she slumped to the ground. Looking back, she knows she should have shut the fuck up and taken it, but what did she have to lose? Her life? So what?

"That all you got, Canary?" She spat blood out on the floor. He didn't understand why she called them all Canaries, and neither did she – it was just the name she'd given her jailors.

"You mutant _bitch_!" He yelled. "You _murdered_ him!" He kicked at her ribs and she had to bite her lips not to scream when one snapped.

"That's what you get for locking me up." She tried for bravado, but her wheezing breath gave her away. He moved to kick her again, but she caught him on the fly, twisted his foot and heard the satisfying snap of bones breaking. Hurrah for leverage, she thought, because she didn't have much strength left. "I told you, you cock-sucking bastard," she wheezed, "you ever kick me while I'm down again, and I'll break your fucking legs!" Pushing herself to her feet was made easier by his encouraging screams. Wimp. She'd taken worse and not made a sound. Hell, _he _had beaten her worse and she hadn't made a sound. Fucking pussy.

The door to her cell was cracked open and she knew it was now or never. She ran like she'd never run before.

The wind was cold across her face and she somehow managed to run into every single fucking branch. She wasn't wearing shoes and all the sharp rocks dug into her feet, but she didn't stop – she couldn't stop. The only plus was, now she was away form the compound her shapeshifter healing would kick in, her injuries would not be fatal.

No matter how far she ran, it wouldn't be far enough. They were coming, she could hear them, crashing through the brush behind her. For a moment she thought about using her telepathy, but that thought went out as fast as it came in. She could use it in a fight, sure, but not against multiple attackers while she was beat up and bleeding. So no, no telepathy today, sorry folks.

There was a Canary coming up behind her, so she darted behind a tree, waited until he passed her, then broke his neck – quick and quiet. Moving on.

She didn't know where she was: city? Country? Continent? Not a fucking clue. She didn't have a name, not a real one anyway, just Illyria Payne – The Vicious Maverick. A name the crowd had given her. The only name she remembered. She couldn't read, she couldn't write. She hardly even knew what these things around her were, with their leaves and their branches. There was no time to think though, none at all, so she kept running….

When the sun finally came up, Illyria had to stop. Not because she was tired (which she was) or because she couldn't go on (which she probably couldn't) but because she'd never seen the sun before. Sure, she'd heard stories - the newbies always told stories – but she'd never actually _seen_ it. Come to think of it, she'd never seen the sky either, or trees, or animals. She'd never been outside. Not ever. Not once and by God was it spectacular.

She was standing atop a mountain, on an outcropping of rock. The Canaries had fallen behind long before – their human pace was no match for her shapeshifter speed – instinct had driven her to the highest place she could find: it would be easier to defend should they come for her.

Looking into a direction she assumed was East (wasn't that where the sun rose from?) she took in the land. The hill rolled down, in the West, and the sun rose over the Sea. The sea was beautiful, it shimmered and glowed and reflected. She wanted to take a moment to enjoy it, but there was no rest for her.

She needed to find her way. She needed to figure out what the fuck was doing. Find a place to sleep, find food, find… find what exactly? What did she have to do now? There did she have to go?


End file.
